Some day I'll be funny again

...but today is not that day.


For those of you who aren't on Facebook (Abby Gay), I've decided to post up some of what I've been working on instead. Enjoy the new pictures.

Sensing a theme here? Yeah, I know- but it's SO fun to draw and I found the movie delightful.

See you next month.

I'm alive. I swear.

Okay, so I haven't updated in ages, I know. I've been busy making "real" arts. In lieu of the usual witty, comical mischief; here are some pictures I've been working on.

Deal.

Yeah. I was especially proud of that last one so I put those big ugly words over it so no one would steal it. 

Tired of the snow yet?

For those of you who are somehow unaware, New England’s been getting a lot of snow lately. It’s been so cold here that none of it has time to melt before the next storm. This week it has snowed every day.
Today I decided to make the best of it. I rallied up my younger brothers, threw on my snow clothes (which, really, consisted of a number of brightly colored, mismatched, semi-water proof items that I found scattered throughout my house) and prepared to brave the great outdoors.
I’ve always prided myself at being better at everything than anyone else and so when my brothers excitedly showed me the little sledding track they had created, I was not to be outdone.


I need to take a detour here and explain how the yard is set up so you can fully appreciate my work. We live at the end of a dead end road: no cul-de-sac, the street just stops. The plows have been pushing all of the snow on our street into this massive, 15’ tall mound in front of our house. I decided that THIS was to be the starting point of the track. From there it would slide down into the front yard, through a couple of trees in the side yard, curve and drop you off in the back yard. Since I’m not the best at painting a picture with my words, here’s a crudely drawn rendering of the track I made.

There was much encouragement from my siblings in the form of things like, “Wow, this is going to be the best track ever!” and “You’re so much cooler than other old people!” After an hour or two I finally had it all set up. There was a 15’ stair case made of snow to get you to the top, big snow barriers to stop you from hitting the trees (they worked sometimes), curves to shoot you around the house and a big pile to assure your survival as you came over the 4’ drop into the backyard.
We took turns sledding down it, but soon after, the boys were called in for dinner. Being determined to perfect “the coolest track ever”, I decided to give it another test drive. This time, it worked far better than ever before. I shot through the yard like a greyhound on speed. Suddenly I realized I was approaching the drop into the back yard and I was off course. There was no way I was going to hit the pile we made to stop us from hurting ourselves. I attempted to bail from the sled, but it was too late: I was in mid-air. My life flashed before my eyes. I put my arms out to stop my face from hitting first but wound up pushing an elbow up into my stomach upon impact, successfully knocking the wind out of myself. I lay there for a while, gasping and staring at the “safety pile” I had missed my less than a foot.

So that was my day. All in all I’d say it was a victory. After all, I earned the title of “DOUBLE hardcore!” for taking that spill.


Here are some real life pictures.

Good enough, right?

Well, I've been gong through this lovely moody, self-loathing thing that I seem to always inevitably wind up at. I haven't been updating because I know that whatever I write/draw is going to quickly deteriorate into a bunch of self pitying dribble.

But it's been a while and I don't want to leave the very few of you who read this dry.  So here's a bunch of pictures I drew with no context!

Yup. 

Jobs, Shmobs...

I had a job interview this week for a personal banking position. I seldom get nervous about interviews as I tend to be awesome at them. With that in mind, I boldly walked in with nothing prepared. I was just going to relax and play it by ear. It started off with, “So, tell me a little bit about yourself.” I froze. I NEVER get that question first. They always go over the resume or tell you something about the company. I can tell you my job history, reasons why I’m the person for the job, my best and worst qualities, really just everything you should need to know for an interview… except, apparently, who I am. My mind is racing and ALL I can think of is, “I’m funny.”


“…I’m funny and I draw pictures. Cartoon-me goes on all kinds of silly adventures. I‘m funny. I‘m witty, that‘s sort of different from funny, right? Come on! I can‘t use any of this!”  To be quite honest, I don’t even remember what I actually eventually babbled, but I’m sure it sounded idiotic.


Ah, jobs. Seriously kids, we need to find a less-conventional way for me to make money. I’m a free spirit. I can’t be contained by an office!


I decided that instead of looking through the new jobs that were posted today, I’d just draw pictures of everything I wish I could do instead.

Dinosaur tamer. I mean, no doubt it'd be hard work and there's always the risk of getting eaten... but with some gentle guidance and a lot of whipping, I'm sure they'd do fine.

Space cowboy. In the cold vacuum of space SOMEONE'S gotta be there to lay down the law. I say that person is me. 

Queen of the whole world. Not only would I relax in style with my blue bean bag chair, but I'd have adoring masses flocking to pay homage to me, their liege. Not to mention the horde of the undead to do my bidding. Comes with the territory.

Viking pillager. People have too much stuff these days. They need someone to come by and take some of that stuff off their hands. I, of course, am more than happy to be of service.

Hippie. Who wouldn't want to sit around all day singing songs about "The Man" and smelling? Yeah, exactly.

Black Market organ salesman. I got a couple extra parts I'm not currently using and let's admit it... human organs go for a lot of money.

Ooooor maybe I'll just do this...

Real Jobs Are For Squares

I started a serious job hunt this week. What with my car being close to road worthy, I figured it was about time. I have a decent enough resume but after searching through about a dozen job listing sites, two newspapers and a temp agency, I’m beginning to realize that there isn’t a lot out there. I take that back. If you have a degree and 5 - 7+ years experience in anything with the words “Manager”, “Lead”,  “Senior“ or “Engineer” in them, it’s a gold mine. 


My problem is, I have 5 years of experience, but it’s all over the place. For example, I have 2 years of sales/retail experience, 3 years in customer service, 2 years in data entry, 3 months as a cook,  2 months in project coordination and 1 week as a maid. (I know that doesn't add up to 5. They overlap.) All I need is baby sitting and I’d have all the experience required to be a mother. 


And why is work so boring? It’s always like “type lots of stuff”, “call people who don’t want to talk to you”, or “stare blankly at an Excel spread sheet for the next two hours”.  I want to do something cool like, fixing airplanes or firing cannons or riding dinosaurs. 


I wish potential employers didn’t look so hard at things like experience and qualifications and achievements. I mean, wouldn’t it be great if people hired you based solely on personality and mediocre talents? There’d be people a mile long knocking at my door begging me to work for them. Especially if I could fly…

That’d be sweet.


Also, resumes are boring. They don’t even let you draw pictures on them or talk about any of the cooler things you can do. Next time I turn in a resume, I think it’ll look like this.

Wish me luck.