Real Jobs Are For Squares

I started a serious job hunt this week. What with my car being close to road worthy, I figured it was about time. I have a decent enough resume but after searching through about a dozen job listing sites, two newspapers and a temp agency, I’m beginning to realize that there isn’t a lot out there. I take that back. If you have a degree and 5 - 7+ years experience in anything with the words “Manager”, “Lead”,  “Senior“ or “Engineer” in them, it’s a gold mine. 


My problem is, I have 5 years of experience, but it’s all over the place. For example, I have 2 years of sales/retail experience, 3 years in customer service, 2 years in data entry, 3 months as a cook,  2 months in project coordination and 1 week as a maid. (I know that doesn't add up to 5. They overlap.) All I need is baby sitting and I’d have all the experience required to be a mother. 


And why is work so boring? It’s always like “type lots of stuff”, “call people who don’t want to talk to you”, or “stare blankly at an Excel spread sheet for the next two hours”.  I want to do something cool like, fixing airplanes or firing cannons or riding dinosaurs. 


I wish potential employers didn’t look so hard at things like experience and qualifications and achievements. I mean, wouldn’t it be great if people hired you based solely on personality and mediocre talents? There’d be people a mile long knocking at my door begging me to work for them. Especially if I could fly…

That’d be sweet.


Also, resumes are boring. They don’t even let you draw pictures on them or talk about any of the cooler things you can do. Next time I turn in a resume, I think it’ll look like this.

Wish me luck.